Axl Rose's Chest is Actually Made of Paper Mache...Ten Little-Known Rock n' Roll Facts

With the country still in mourning following the deaths of quite a few of the music stars of the 70s this year, to say nothing of Chumbawamba's break-up this week, here are a few reminders of the majesty of rock n' roll. You don't want to know how Crunchy acquired this information...

Ten Little-Known Rock n' Roll Facts: 

1) From Another Mother--Born the same year, physically similar, and musically prone to yammering on and on, it's been proven (see picture below) that Elton John and Meatloaf are brothers.



2) Huey Lewis and the FOX News--Yet another miscalculation from Huey Lewis, all-American patriot and doofus. 



3) Unholy Alliance--U2's Bono, and African warlord Joseph Kony, were junior college roommates, and are close friends. In fact, Kony attended the christening of Bono's son, and gifted him a gold-plated AK-47.


"I am big fan of Rattle and Rum."

4) Battle of the Celebrity Bands--When Steven Seagal stopped in the middle of his band Thunderbox's set, in order to eat a chocolate eclair, and when Keanu Reeves got lost in the parking lot just before his band Dogstar's scheduled performance, the door was open for The Bacon Brothers to claim the ultimate prize for any movie star: musical mediocrity. 


"We're fuckin' dreamy."

5) Elliot also Wouldn't Stop High-Fiving--Some say that Def Leppard's lack of post 80s success stems directly from lead singer Joe Elliot's refusal to visit the grave of his drummer's arm.


"You've got to let it go, mate. Use the arm you do have to let the one you don't have go."

6) First attempt at Rock and Rap Union--Before the success of Run-DMC and Aerosmith performing "Walk this Way," the Fat Boys and The Scorpions unsuccessfully attempted the same kind of crossover with their non-charting single, "Hot Dog with Sauerkraut."



Some people just can't let go.

7) The 'burbs--Though many folks are familiar with famous bands Boston and Chicago, few people realize that the members of Boston once helmed a group named Framingham, while the future Chicago line-up began as Skokie, before each band moved to the big city.



8) Dr Teeth Spends Time in Rehab--The Muppet band, Dr. Teeth and the Electric Mayhem, fell from the limelight after The Muppets Take Manhattan, because the band was plagued by the trappings of success. Teeth became addicted to meth (he actually has no teeth now), Floyd was served with a paternity suit, Janice wound up stripping, Zoot was kidnapped by the mob, and Animal became a born-again Christian. 


"JEE-SUS! JEE-SUS! JEE-SUS!"

9) "Music" stands for "Penis"--Drunk and cornered by a fan in Minneapolis, Don McClean admits that "The Day the Music Died" is actually a song about man's struggle with sexual impotence. 


10) It's always been Ringo--The true mastermind behind the Beatles has always been Ringo Starr. He wrote all the songs of the band (including the songs of Wings and The Plastic Ono Band), played every instrument in the studio, and had McCartney killed in '66, replacing him with a slightly masculine woman. It was Starr who hired Chapman to murder Lennon (over a rugby dispute) in 1980, and it was Starr who engineered the death of George Harrison in 2001 for calling him a "bloody poofter." 


 "Ask for another picture and you're number four."


 

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